So how exactly did I end up this way?

A few days ago I listened to the new RadioLab episode "Song of the Cerebellum", and I had a shocking moment of revelation. The episode is structured around young woman who had a stroke centered in her cerebellum, and it closes with a description of how she is different from she was before. This self-description of the changes in her mind struck home deeply. She could have been describing my experience of the world.

She describes being laughing too loudly, and her social interactions being a bit off. She finds it harder to sing. She is off the beat. When she sings the notes don't go from her brain to her voice. Her hand writing sucks. Her experience of the world doesn't flow any more.

This is a description of my existence.

I have a defective cerebellum, or defective wiring between the cerebellum and the higher portions of my brain.

This is something of a relief. I understand more about who I am.